I had a sweet friend (hey girl) text me the other day about what she thought she would like to read about(per my Facebook page post). She mentioned loving yourself and enjoying every moment with your kids and maintaining that cool, calm, collective Mama mode when you want to be anything but.
I texted her back saying I would have to dig deeeeeeep to come up with something on that! I am not the best about self-love and you can ask my kids about how “calm” I maintain myself.
I also don’t like the whole “enjoy every minute” phrase. Of course it comes from seasoned Mamas who mean nothing but the best and are well past those moments and surely miss them, as will we all.
Let’s start with the self-love first, because let’s be honest, that is super important. Let me preface this with this: I STINK AT SELF-LOVE. I know I need time away from my children. They need time away from me for crying out loud.
It is so hard to do that though.
I see Mamas all the time going on girl trips, trips with their spouses, alone trips.
I talk about doing those types of things. I want to do them.
One of my best friends and I talked all summer long about a quick girl’s trip. Never happened.
I long for a trip with just my hubby, but we have all these kids and I have just recently stopped nursing the baby and blah, blah, blah.
I don’t do “alone” well. I went and had supper by myself a while back and hated it. Like, every second of it. I felt like I had the plague or something and people felt sorry for me (in reality no one probably knew I was there).
Some people love doing that though. More power to y’all. I’m gonna let you have that one.
All that aside, it is so important. You can’t fill anyone else’s cup when yours is empty. Self-love or self-care really helps us to be better Mamas. Leave the Mommy guilt at the door and do something for yourself. Something only for you.
I am working on taking my own advice and that of my husband and trying to find the time to carve out that “me” time. Hence, getting back into my writing.
Now on to the “enjoy every moment” and being the cool, calm, and collected Mama.
Some days I pull off the unimaginable. We go through a day without tears, yelling, attitudes, meltdowns and despair. The kids act pretty good on those days, too.
Most other days, I feel like I am the least qualified person on the planet for this job. I tell my husband that no less than 5 times a week.
Before I ever get out of the bed, the Lord and I have a meeting. We discuss my behavior for the upcoming day, how I want to be the model parent. We are going to do all these wonderful activities. No tears. No attitudes. No yelling. Nothing but love and kindness and all the fruits of the spirit and marshmallow fluff floating through the air. Angels will be singing hallelujah from the Heavens as we love each other and laugh and smile all day. Lord, just help me be a good Mama today. I usually feel confident in our discussions. Today is the day, I tell myself.
Then these beautiful babies wake up.
I no more than get the amen off my lips before they are already coming in fussing about something or someone, being ugly to one another, or making catastrophic messes or whatever Satan decides to throw my way.
Were we in the same meeting, Lord? Because I thought we discussed this. Hello? Bueller?
So there goes the cool, calm, and collected mama who was going to rock the day.
What I have come to realize though, is that it’s okay. When my kids mess up, I tell them, it’s a bad moment, not a bad day. Bad moments don’t make bad days. We brush ourselves off and go at it again.
I know that those that say “Enjoy every moment” have nothing but the best meaning behind it, but when people say that, it makes that Mama guilt So. Much. Worse.
What’s wrong with me that I didn’t enjoy the meltdown in the produce department in Walmart?
Why can’t I not be completely touched out by the end of the day and enjoy the constant touches by these beautiful creatures?
Why can’t I be tired without being made to feel like I just pawned my child for a gold tooth from the local pawn shop?
This is what guilt does to you, what Satan pushes at you.
Here is goes. I’m going to put it out there.
- Don’t. Enjoy. Every. Minute. *clutches pearls
I do however, in those moments that I just really don’t enjoy, I close my eyes and I decide to be grateful.
I am so grateful that my child can express to me their dislike or hunger or whatever caused that meltdown on isle 4.
Those little arms that want to hold me all day? Those little wet kisses my baby boy wants to constantly plant on me all day? That big kid that just wants to sit in my lap while we watch T.V. even though I would love to just sit a minute? The adventurous child that wants me to “watch this” one more time. I will go to the Lord with thanksgiving every time.
I have these children and they are perfect in every way (by my account because I am their mother). They are mine. The Lord has blessed us beyond measure. And I am grateful. I am beyond grateful for the good, the bad, and the ugly. I can dislike the bad and ugly while still being grateful, though.
It’s not really about enjoying every minute, it’s about being aware of the gift we’ve been given to have these moments that make us question whether we are cut out for the job. It’s about being thankful for these living, breathing, children that we get to have. It’s about taking a half second to take a deep breath when milk is spilled all over the clean floor and telling God thank you for the milk, the mess, and the blessing who did it. Then wearily cleaning it up with the help of tiny hands.
Take the time to change your heart and mindset. You don’t have to enjoy it all, friends. We have to redirect our thinking to that of gratefulness, because the reality is, we just are not going to like all of it. Will we miss this season once it has passed rapidly before us? Absolutely! I have no doubt about that. But we can also cut ourselves some slack when it comes to the right now.
Babies don’t keep. That much we know. Most of us by firsthand knowledge. A Mama’s heart won’t always be tired and overwhelmed either.
Embrace your chaos.
Give yourself grace.
Be grateful.
Love yourself.
Take five, y’all.
“Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” Deuteronomy 4:9
A Southern Mama's Lost Filter 